Sunday, January 31, 2010


This post isn't about the annual Pirate invasion in Tampa Florida known as Gasparilla, rather it's about the fact that we (the people of earth) are still, believe it or not, dealing with these 'pirates' off the coast of Somalia.

Read about these poor Brits here.

Although I feel for these people- very deeply actually, I can't help but be pissed at every government that hasn't obtained, detained, and 'made go away' these assholes sailing the high seas. Now, maybe Babs and her husband could have, I don't know, aimed their yacht in a more friendly direction, but everyone in the government over there in the UK should be ashamed of themselves.

GO OVER THERE. ELIMINATE THE BASTARDS. I'm sorry I have ZERO sympathy for people who break the law. I don't care how poor or desperate they are- Maybe instead of ILLEGALLY obtaining firearms and wasting whatever little money they had on that, these people would do everything possible to get out of that hole of a country and work to make an honest living and life in a more suitable place. Capturing boats, ships, and people only makes me hope that while you little pirates are out sailing around looking for people to terrorize, your boat sinks half way across a very large, deep, shark infested ocean.

As this couple, and particularly the woman, lose their minds while being abused by these TERRORISTS (it's what they are and I beg you to look up the definition if you disagree),the government sends out a very comforting 'we're closely monitoring the situation.'

Its 2010 yet a couple has been seized by PIRATES from a place that doesn't even rank as third world. We, the developed nations, need to really take that in and um- ACT.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

In Honor of the President

Today, President Barack Obama is in Tampa (oh how my heart longs for you, Tampa...)

In honor of this occasion? I'll be watching Glenn Beck turned up really loud.

...And then I heard screaming

So today was one of those days that wears you out. (and no I'm not tired because I was up until 345am looking on ebay for collectible Disney Pins) The night was just miserable because my face had throbbed for hours due to some unrelenting Wisdom Teeth. In reality, its because I find myself with COPIOUS amounts of free time, so even though I'm rocking it out at the gym like Richard Simmons, I end up being VERY awake at night.

Actually-I'm wondering if I possibly had a seizure. I woke up this morning with messages from ebay saying I owe a lot of people for a lot of Disney Pins. I'm still working that one out...

Anyway, after I wandered around the apartment and amused the dog for a while I navigated through presumably more unemployed people, called my mother, and headed to the gym. Although I can't say enough what a saint this women is- I could have strangled her this morning. This was the day she decided to lay into me about my back-up plan for the missing letter of recommendation and that I WAS going to be applying to law school come hell or high water. I politely told her "Well I've made it clear I have no idea what-so-ever what to do in this situation. YOU figure it out." She then said "Call the fine people at the LSAC (Law school admission council for those of you not punishing yourself) -or else."

Wouldn't you know the old bird has some type of esp because today? The LSAC just happened to have received and processed the missing letter thus allowing me to apply to law school. Finally.

Today I rode the famous whiny-chick emotional roller coaster and came out on top. I treated myself to spf 20 (thats about as low as ole snow flake here can go before I become the 7th wonder of the world known as lobster girl) and an hour at the pool.

...And then I heard screaming.

The bliss of my Chelsea Handler audiobook (My Horizontal Life is TRULY worth the purchase if loud mouth, witty, drunks are your style- and I promise you it will be if its already not) was SHATTERED by what can only be described as scream cry arguing.

Just when I think my inability to handle rejection and always being full of feelings is whats going to be the downfall of women everywhere, I discover a women at the pool, fully dressed, having a mental breakdown/ argument with her... whatever this guy was to her, about how rude and un-supportive he was for his lack empathy over her broken nail.

Me and my disgusting, chipping manicure suddenly feel much better about ourselves.

This is border-line sad

I am in love with Disney pins.

Specifically the Vinylmation pin series. I'm doing my best to get the research down, but I've pretty much found out how to complete my collection totally via ebay and in 1 night. How I'll be paying for it is a different question completely, but I digress..

Should I feel like a sell out because I'm buying and not going out and trading? The special part of the pin culture is going to the disney events and actually trading. However, I am all for instant gratification and would rather get all of them now. Also, this particular type of pin is new and if I can get these first releases before too many more come out I could actually make money off these little gems!


Wednesday, January 27, 2010


So this morning I had this great idea- I'm going to google every news station in Orlando and see what positions they have open. This of course yielded sadness as opposed to dozens of jobs.

What they do have open either requires years of experience in stuff I know nothing about or are internships that I don't qualify for because I already happen to have a degree.

I did find 2 people at the same station, one in charge of internships and one who is an Executive Producer to email. I emailed the person in internships just because I figured it couldn't hurt to make my interest in literally anything at the station known. I emailed the producer in regards to a position that was open that I could qualify for if someone was interested in training me.

Then I moved on to radio stations which I quickly learned are all (AM and FM) owned by Clear Channel. Clear Channel is of course offering only 2 positions and none of which are located in Florida.

After giving up on the entertainment industry I thought to check out everything else I have applied to. I noticed today that when I search for positions Lockheed Martin is offering, the main job I was sure I would at least get an interview for is no longer coming up. My 'guy on the inside' tells me this unfortunately means they are DONE with interviewing and are about to offer someone the position. Gee, this is becoming a good day.

I am hoping that whether or not anyone at the TV station wants to hire me, one of the two people I contacted (I actually did contact people rather than the generic HR email) gets back to me. Whether its to say 'you are grossly under-qualified and don't contact me again' or 'thanks but the position is already filled' I would be a much happier girl.

Other than the maxed out credits cards and total inability to buy food or a personal trainer- I am about to just 'embrace' the lack responsibility. From my prior post, its clear that I can't apply to law school, I've missed the boat for grad school this semester, and I have 100% covered every temp agency, job search engine, and job opening in Orlando, I may as well throw in the towel and throw on a bikini and (after this miserable cold LEAVES MY STATE- and don't cry to me if you're in Minnesota, I live in Florida for a reason) just lay by the pool.

SO: Here is the bikini I need to make this happen-

I have a paypal account and I am taking donations.

No, really, I totally am. Seriously- donate.

The suit is 158+ shipping (c'mon its Trina Tirk! Designer)

Helping the needy is fun. Hey Maybe I can write the president, this is exactly the type of needless thing he likes to give tax payer dollars to. -sweet.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

You know what really grinds my gears?

I'm tired.
There comes a point where a person just reaches the edge in terms of dealing with other people, and I have reached mine. Out of all the people you expect to be able to go through with something you asked them to do- you assume that college professors can follow through. When you ask someone to follow very simple directions, and provide them with the envelope they need to mail, the postage, and address the envelope so there are no chances of a wrong address- you assume that a letter could get mailed, and at the very least by someone with DOCTOR in front of their name. Finally, after you've taken classes with someone for 3.5 years- you assume that the student/ professor relationship and eventual friendship would at least get that person motivated to write that letter you've been asking them for for roughly 3 months right?

You know what really grinds my gears? Being silly enough to expect a college professor, a DOCTOR, to be able to write a letter of recommendation, sign it, and put it in a clearly marked envelope, seal the envelope, and stick it in the mail in a timely fashion.

Here I am- being totally unable to apply to law school because this guy and all of his degrees have left me high and dry due to an inability to mail something.

People with PhDs- thats what really grinds my gears.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Little Miss Protection?

So, as I sit watching DVRed episodes of Little Miss Perfect (please, don't act surprised!) I saw not 1, not 2, but 5 FIVE commercials for Trojans. Now, I understand that this isn't prime time programming for the young who participate in these pageants, but I mean, c'mon!

Of all the odd things I've seen while watching a pageant- adds for protection in the middle of a LITTLE GIRL pageant takes the cake.

Back to organizing/ not thinking about eating.

I am not thinking about Colby Jack cheese.
I am not thinking about chocolate.
I am not thinking about various types of pasta.
I am not...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Need a hobby?
Need someone to LOVE and make statements proclaiming they are your sister just born to different people and a few years apart?

This is for you:


Not only should you read every page of her blog, but buy her books.

Her books are amazing, entertaining, and written excellently!

She is my IT author of 2009 and I have good feelings about her new book 'My Fair Lazy' due out in May!

-Just giving props where props are due.


Ever take the time to sit around and think about what you're cramming in your mouth? Well, between August and last week I didn't. AT ALL. Boy has that come back to bite me in the ass. And how could it not considering the sheer amount of ass there is to bite? So, like usual, I'm thinking about food all the time and all I want to do is eat the food I'm thinking about being unable to eat. So, with my new gym membership came a free personal training session. Now, I am quite experienced in the realm of personal trainers; I'm quite sure I had the best one living on this planet. However I moved and am at a different gym, coming with it a different trainer. This gym was nice, and by the end of our little training session we went and talked prices.

This is what I wanted to avoid. When I have a trainer, I 100% forget how to work out on my own. I revert back to this infant stage where everything is too hard and "I'm Tired". With a looming pageant I thought '...well... maybe...'

I got another trainer.
(I can't tell the boyfriend either. Although it gets difficult when I say 'damn, I've got to get to the gym early' and he asks 'Why? You don't have a job, why would you be scheduling gym times? -GASP- are you spending money (your mothers) on a personal trainer again?!' You would think I have a problem with drugs or something by his reaction to spending money on someone that tells me what weights to lift and how many times)

I feel bad. Guilt about the money that I pilfer from my mother aside, I'm just a huge sissy. Who can't work out on their own? I am aware that every skeleton in Hollywood, state pageant representative, and professional athlete work with trainers, sometimes twice a day, but I just feel that I should be different. I should be a cool 5'10" and weigh 110.6 at all times regardless of what I eat or how much I exercise.

As that is not the case, I just want to talk for a moment about what I ate today.
Bowl of Total, 2% milk
(around) 5 oz of lean turkey breast
1 tomato
1 bag of 100 calorie sun chips
1 bag of 100 calorie pop corn
1 bag of 100 calorie gummy fruit (yes I already said I'm a baby)

For dinner I'll end up with a chicken breast and salad.

Am I on the right track?
Does anyone care?
Why on earth did I balloon up 2 sizes?!

Anyone have tips/ tricks for literally losing those annoying skin inches? The stuff that makes getting a zipper up on a cocktail dress or evening gown difficult?

If you can help me lose a size or an inch or 3 of back skin in 10 days- I'm all ears!

You know what really grinds my gears?

(ala Peter Griffin)

Lady Gaga.

Lets be honest with ourselves. This women is scary.
I know, I know, someone with the least bit of talent comes along and we just GLOM (its a real word, look it up!) on to them, regardless of what appears to be clear multiple personalities disorder. Not that having that disorder makes you a bad person, however when we idolize this:

We drop a few notches on the evolutionary scale.

Imagine you're on your way to work. You jump on the bus (or whatever) and you see this person. Imagine the horror we would all experience if this person was trying to pass through airport security.

What she wear just compounds my point.
Have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of her songs? Before your brain starts bleeding you're assaulted with gem's like

"My telephone my telephone
My telephone my telephone
My telephone my telephone (is going out the window)"

"P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(She's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)"

WOW. All that talent. yeah...

So lets recap. Scary woman who can carry a tune becomes an icon.
And thats what really grinds my gears.

There's a creepy guy here in FLA

He may be lurking in your state as well, (but I don't get out so I don't know) and when you see him, you know you're looking into eyes of pure creep. He is.... The man on the vasectomy billboard.


I realized one morning (while cruising down I-4 at about 5 am, so you know the thoughts were totally coherent) that this man is all over the place. My question is, does he get patients? Like, what percentage of his clients come in saying 'Why yes, I did get the idea from a billboard. Fantastic marketing my friend!' Do men really think its in their best interest to get medical procedures from a guy with TERRIBLE hair, pedosmile and is MAGIC since he apparently defies the laws of physics with 'No Needle'?

This is my own little PSA to any man who stumbles by my little blog: Do not, under any circumstances, seek out this man, for anything surgical -down there-.

Note: That guys blog I link to? He's pretty crude, and while his views do not reflect mine (about 75% of he time he does but still) I think Maddox's post contributes greatly to my point.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Yep. An entire post dedicated to my little girl Pepper.

When I sing I at least try (a long post)

Aright so this is what I'm writing while watching the idol premier.

First chick in pink. VOM I get the whole " OMG I so want my 15 minutes and I can be just like that Asian guy who got a CD. SO I just need to go out there, make a fool of myself and make people believe that I believe I think I actually sing well!" Been there, seen that, do not find it the least bit amusing.

So during the commercial while I take off my make up from my 'job interview' I had today (a LOT more on that in another rant) I realize I feel bad for the judges. I mean, bad is relative- these people are making millions and are millionaires to begin with (Simon aside who earns tens of millions from this show) so I feel bad for them like I feel bad for people who are tired when they get home from a job that doesn't ask much of them and gives them benefits that would make your head spin and amazing pay. I just think sitting through 'auditions' would be totally miserable and dealing with these people who may or may not be suffering from some type of mental illness must be daunting and LONG. Is it just me? Maybe?

Randy Jackson. -Sigh- I want to see Paula. None of these people seem high or as passionate as she got and I mean... Randy. He just bothers me because I feel out of all the commentary, he provides the least useful of it. Also? Victoria is super soft spoken I just find myself liking her more and more. I mean as a child of 87 the Spice Girls (and Backstreet boys) were the center of my world. She can do no wrong. I mean, have you seen that husband?

Ok kid in the blue and white stripped shirt deserves to have a hit taken out on him.

Randy- Stop Singing forever
Uuuuugh people you have to understand that you are not entertaining. Under any circumstances.

Hmm, Italian family in Boston. The word 'yous' is seriously thrown around. I don't have to say more...
Oh, Ryan is trapped in a large, violent man hug. Thats just funny. (For even better Ryan Seacrest jokes watch Joel McHale on The Soup on E! Friday Nights)

Hippie Kid? Epic Fail
(And as a MAJOR Elton John fan, SHAME ON YOU HIPPIE KID. SHAME. ...damn hippies. Cut your hair!!! Its 2010!)

Creepy chick in the cape? Pass.

Asshat in the glasses? I just HOPE he's kidding. I can't imagine someone being that big of an ass all the time. But those scary eyes (once he took off those horrific glasses) seemed pretty real so... ah.

Well, its 9 but I feel like I've pretty much seen it all.
Personal tragedies? Check
Over coming adversity? Check

Officially bored.
G' Night America.
And good luck (literally, this show is more a mess than I imagined)

Team Conan

While watching an old Simpsons episode before the premier of American Idol and cruising I cam across Conan's letter to 'The People of Earth'. From the start I've been a fan of Conan, Letterman and Leno (in the order) and Conan would always come first and it was always worth the lack of sleep to see that man and the great writing and even better delivery of all material. And although I haven't kept up with his new show (I've fallen out of late watching in the last year, no fault of his I'm just boring) I respect him and consider him the best of the best. (If you are a Leno fan I don't care. I just want to make that super clear) This mess with NBC has really blown me away and I have to say I'm really happy for him and the choice to leave the network. Not just because they own him MAJOR coin (I'm hearing upwards of 80 mil) but because this move has been (for lack of a better term honestly) dick. To just throw Leno back to the old time slot because Conan has been struggling a little? Terrible.

I don't know. All I can say is, shame on NBC for having almost no loyalty to their people.

(Yeah- thats right. Representin' yo)

Time for idol. Thats right. I'm going to watch 5.6 episodes and get annoyed with it and make fun of the hard core fans like my mom (who is a saint btw so you are totally out of luck if I make fun of her)

OH quick note, Victoria Beckham? Beckem? (whatever) has some AMAZING dresses out there! Waaaaaaaaant!

Little Miss Perfect

So, while I suffer through the waves of job searching and writing personal statements for every law school in the tri-state area, I get to indulge in my sick little hobby of watching Little Miss Perfect.
As a fan, and sometimes queen myself, I adore pageantry. On a different note, as someone who knows Michael Galanes, I get MUCH enjoyment in watching him just make an absolute ass of himself. As he prances about, singing the Little Miss Perfect Song(!) I just think about the time he called me on the phone for having too many pageant titles (I know, what a bitch right?) and just reamed me out for what was an actual mistake. I had to take an entire year off from that pageant system, until he left it actually, before I could go back and prance around myself.

To put things in perspective? I did too well at something that requires dieting and good looks. Obviously, things could be worse.

But I digress...
The job hunt has been... (I'm looking for the right phrase) like swimming up from the bottom of the Gulf with my feet cemented into cinder blocks. No one seems to care much for my Bachelors of Communication degree (and political science minor!) and I keep getting yanked around by companies that tell me I'm applying for one job, yet I end up sitting through orientations for what boils down to working in a call center. If you have never met me, you may not realize, but I don't do phone work. I did- which is how I know how badly I lack tolerance and empathy for those with terrible grammar and poor phone skills. Also? No amount of money will be enough for me to sit around for 8 to 10 hours a day talking on the phone. I want to file, schedule, dabble in office politics, and end up HBIC (baby!!!) I just want corporate America (Hear that Lockeheed Martin?) and to be able to do things I'm actually good at; proof reading, answering phone calls (not spending 8 hours on one) office interaction, multitasking what ever I needed to, wearing lovely outfits and getting a casual Friday!

However, its me, my average GPA and lots of competition.

So, I'll just TIVO the rest of my little obsession, be jealous of my girlfriends still in college or actually in the work force, and go to the gym. After all, Little Miss Perfect would never be caught on the couch in footie pajamas eating her body weight in funions! (or would she...?)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

An Inconvenient Blog? (Sorry Glenn Beck)

I just finished Al Gore's ' An Inconvenient Truth' and am now confident that if this man can make a movie, and actually influence others, AND win an Academy Award- Then I can blog about whatever crosses my mind. Even further, I can tout it as fact and criticize you for not blindly believing me without consequence!

And now we have a blog!