Friday, February 26, 2010


My Ass!
UGH I didn't have a good day yesterday. Actually? The day wasn't bad- the food was just sick, evil, horrible, fattening and slightly satisfying. Until the morning after. It's like I rolled over after a bender and woke up next to a slice of pizza. "I swear this has never happened to me before! This is my first time doing something like this. Um... I really don't think we can see each other again... so. Bye."

I feel SO dirty.

Last night just has me so frustrated. Obviously I have a significant weakness, and there is still a handful of schools that need to get back to me. I can't just go on a food bender every time I get a bit of bad news.

So now I've got to get geared up to brave the blistering cold and go to the gym. Which is a little awkward because my trainer offered me a job, I interviewed for it twice, got a big 8/ hour offer and declined the job. SO besides just feeling weird about that, they (Ballys) are all SCREWED up in terms of my account. They are under the impression that I owe them February's payment- and since I paid it online and happen to have a transaction number I'm inclined to disagree.

I'm not thrilled with my trainer (at the gym) because a different trainer gave me a LOT of information that conflicts with trainer number 1's stuff. I really am feeling/ loving what this new trainer has to say- if only because of how amazing she looks. However there IS more than that and I've got fears I'm screwing up what she says by doing what he says. BUT I've already paid HIM through the SUMMER.

So now that I'm really frustrated and mad at myself I think I'll go eat some yogurt.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


Hey FAMU! Yo hurry up! (lol) I've got the sinking feeling that you're gonna give me the big N O and really? Just give it to me already?

Current Status: File Complete. Under Review.
Current Status Date: 2/19/2010

^ That is all I get. Really guys? I've gotten a job offer (!) and turned it down (!!) in the time its taken you to review my file and not give me an answer.

Yes, on that note I turned down a job that paid 8 dollars an hour and wouldn't be able to give me more than 20 hours a week.

I guess beggars can be choosers.

This beggar is taking her dog to the vet to get de-loused. Yes. It IS as horrible as it sounds. Poor itchy thing...

PS Conan is on Twitter. These are the things you learn when you don't have a job. I'd almost call it worth it!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Workin Girl

No, believe it or not I haven't given up and decided to sell the goods at an outrageous price or anything. No, I'm actually applying and interviewing (all at the same time) to be a receptionist at Ballys (my gym). I think it's part time, and with my summer schedule for Miss Florida USA and my total lack of motivation to do anything other than go to the pool and play with the dog, 20 hours or less works for me. I understand that I need the money, but at this point, working part time at what I'm assuming will probably be minimum wage with a college degree just doesn't do much for me. No offense to the job- which I WANT don't get me wrong- just where my pride is and how lazy I am doesn't make me feel very good about this.

But on the other hand, my personal trainer who pretty much gave me this interview makes this a really a sweet thing. It makes me appreciate the little things and how nice people can be. I also like when people seem to like me! Who doesn't!

I keep waiting for something entertaining to happen so I can resume making this blog humorous. Until then, my bad.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Life's a Drag

So as a popular public figure here in central Florida (read: local title holder) I need to be cautious about my entries on this blog. I can't just go on ranting all willy nilly about whatever comes to mind! No, I've got to possess tact and be smart in my topics.

That being said I have felt a little concern about wanting to post my review of RuPauls Drag Race, but I just can't hold it back anymore. I love LOVE L O V E RuPaul's Drag Race. Actually this isn't so much of a review as much as it is me talking about how much I love drag queens and this show, and RuPauls attitude.

You can catch up on all the competition goodness here. I really think the show is worth watching; I admire the people on the show because I think it takes so much confidence to get up on a stage and do what they do. Every now and then I find myself with a face full of make up and on a stage getting judged and with all the similarities and the sheer entertainment value of the show, I recommend it to everyone!

Anyways, every Tuesday morning it's my most favorite thing to watch! I record it from the night before and get to watch it while eating breakfast! Its the BEST way to start a day!

Now though I don't have anything to do other than continue to stalk the mail man and go to the gym... and I guess laundry, and I could always clean the apartment... But those are all maybes, stalking the mail man is a given for today. Keep your fingers crossed!

Monday, February 22, 2010


Stetson (College of Law) made a decision. Of course (unlike Barry) they won't tell me what that decision is online; I've got to wait until either the BIG or small (and depressing and mocking) envelope shows up in the mail. Everyone? Cross a finger, say a prayer, do a happy dance- wish me luck.

Nervously yours,



There are a lot (A LOT) of things that really make me angry. One of them is calling people names because of their occupation. No individual is any less of a person because they hold the best job that they can.

*Note: those who hunt whales or do gruesome things to animals: sorry folks, you're not part of who I'm talking about. You guys make me pretty sick.

Point: having spent a lot of time watching Dirty Jobs and (obviously) Deadliest Catch, I have a bigger respect for those who collect my trash, clean my water, and generally help make my life as easy as it is. I'm writing this because when I was reading about Jake Harris, son of the late skipper Phil Harris, getting a DUI last week, I read the comments people made about the story. Here is what made me write this:

Fri 02/19/10 7:41 PM

Good. White trash son of a white trash man who killed animals for sports, fun, and food. Good riddance to both of them

I don't know where to start with this. Sentence structure, punctuation, lack of soul, and overall asshatness just overwhelms me. Not only is this person GLAD another individual died, but, as far as I can tell, wouldn't mind if Jake died. It's sick all over, and what further creeps me out/ enrages me is calling the poor man white trash because he doesn't have a job in corporate America. I don't know what teeneer does, but I really can't imagine it's anything substantial, mostly because people have a 6th sense about SERIAL KILLERS and since this person seems to lack anything human, I'm going with serial killer. I'll apoogize if I'm mistaken and their some PETA loving, mouth breathing, bore of an accountant or something but until I see proof that this person is anything to the contrary they get this super cool label:

Wear it proudly my friend- you EARNED this one.

Comment about how much you think Teeneer blows here, or voice your opinion on sorta famous/ really famous people breaking the law. It always seems to spark an interesting debate! deeeeeeebate

Of course I think the kid made a mistake- he could have killed someone. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your father, and so suddenly, but thats no excuse to take away some other kids father in a drunk driving crash now is it Jake? No. BUT- I'm not going to go call him, his family, or anyone else who works a job that would kick the average Americans hiney white trash.

Neither should you.
Don't drink and drive.
Don't be a douche.
Respect those who don't work glamorous jobs. Unless you want to make sure the sewers under the city streets are working properly and aren't getting blocked up.

New Look

Am I narcissistic or am I narcissistic?
I LOVE pictures of me. I just look fabulous!

No, I'm actually kidding but still- is it cute or too much?

Friday, February 19, 2010


As I sit on the couch that I can't seem to get off of while I whine to anyone who will listen about how I've been neglecting the gym, I started to get all nervous. Not because I'm crazy or have a pageant looming and I'm still all fat and squishy, but because FAMU has finally decided to get their act together, recognize that, oh duh, my application is (and has been) complete and are now officially reviewing it to consider me (or NOT) for admission.

Although that I can argue that, yeah, I just want to go to school somewhere, I really do want to go to FAMU. Yes Stetson would be just amazing and the opportunity of a life time, but- all things considered, FAMU seems like a more attainable dream. It's location is just UNBEATABLE and so is that in-state tuition. ABA accreditation means I can take the bar (you know, only slightly important) and although many (read: ALL) of the law school oriented blogs that I've come across call it a career killer (yes, that is painful to read) I think a lot of that just might be crap. As with many blogs, there isn't exactly anything out there to prevent the preppy kids who got into Brown from saying whatever they want about a school they have never been to, never applied to, and most likely have never met anyone from there.

Although I take that into consideration, I can't help but be scared when "career killer" and "will only find employment at small, regional firms that chase ambulances" comes across my screen.

Still? I want to go there.

I have my daydream fantasy's (Scrubs style) about how I'll go into my interview at Miss Fla Usa: Imagine 7 stern faced judges all paneled up looking at me, a camera pointed at me, and nothing separating us but a mic stand. As I bravely stand on fantastic 4 inch heels, I give the 60 second introduction of my life in the most fabulous outfit minds can imagine. I wow the judges with how, although I've been accepted to law school, I don't have to start right away (hello, and thank you deferment) thus pushing them over the edge of loving me and I win Miss Florida, only to end my reign with starting law school.

It's probably the most perfect thing ever.

Although I have to wake up from that happy thought (did I mention I'm still on the couch) and although I may only be eating 90 calorie Quaker rice cakes, that doesn't um, excuse the Chinese I downed 2 days ago, or uh, the 6 (yeah- half a dozen, 3+3, almost 7) fiber one muffins I inhaled in under 2 hours this morning (which are kicking my increasingly toned arse as we speak)

My gym is open until 10. Although I'm more dedicated than any other BQ (thats beauty queen for you normies ((I kid I kid)) ) out there, fiber one is winning and 10 or 4(am) I don't know if I can make it tonight.

Tomorrow is another story. Tomorrow I will debate on 60 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of swimming or 60 minutes of swimming and 30 minutes of cardio (it's a time crunch thing, usually both get a solid hour- if you were curious) Tomorrow I will have washed hair, face put on, bloated fiber one gut strapped down, and pageanty game face on.

Tonight? I'm that girl with rice cakes, wine, (so shoot me) my laptop, many repeats of What Not to Wear, and a lot of hopes and big plans for the future.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


The word of the night?


The Job Report

Every now and then I forget that I did have an original purpose when I started this bloggy blog. I updated my legion of readers on the law school front, but I have (slightly) neglected the job hunt.

As it stands, I've backed off. Being a normal person, I don't love rejection so I figured while the law schools were deciding my educational fate, I would ease off of the constant crashing and burning I was going through with the jobs.

Below are the companies and job search engines I've spent HOURS on hoping for, at the very least, an email back- be it good or bad.

Lockheed Martin: 6 jobs
The Florida Hospital: 4 jobs
(I think) Portifino Bay Hotel: 2 jobs
The Internet Company: 2 jobs
The local Fox, Cnn, and ABC affiliates: 4 jobs
According to Career Builder: 16 jobs
According to Monster: 13 jos

I've been seeking out everything from negotiating contracts to secretarial and administrative assistant positions.

At the urging of a friend, I tracked down a few email addresses of a news paper and local magazine to see if anyone was interested in my fine writing ability. Although I don't think any of what I write is all that good (or interesting lol) she's being fabulous and encouraging so, why the hell not? Even if it ends up being a resounding and collective 'No!' I would just like to hear something . Alllll the time, nothing nothing and more nothing; if I happened to be in any management position -ever- after my experience job hunting, I now understand the significance of a simple email back.

SO thats that! Cross your fingers!

Thats what happens when I...

... eat Chinese food. As far as I'm concerned you can call it punishment for eating the msg and salt soaked goodness that was sweet and sour chicken and pork fried rice. I had the most real dream of my LIFE last night- I WISH I could have been hooked up to something that monitored blood pressure because I was FREAKING out last night.

The Dream:
I am having lunch with boyfriend and boyfriends mom; we're drinking lemonade and sitting on the patio of the beautiful southern family mansion. While sitting among the manicured plants and fragrant flowers, boyfriend reminds me that our WEDDING is next Saturday. How I forgot about my own wedding is beyond me (then again... I guess I'm capable of such stupidity lol) yet there I am, stunned, not just at the upcoming nuptials, but that we're even engaged! Although I can't recall if I looked down at my hand to see if this was all a lie, I get the feeling I believed every part of what I was being told without question. So I begin freaking out. My first thought is "oh dear god I have no dress" so I of course speed off in my car- to where? Regalia! (a place that sells pageant gowns lol) Something had happened to one of the wheels of my car, and I guess as I was leaving the drive way, the car was driving all weird and crooked and out of control ala Grand Theft Auto and I TOOK OUT some of the landscapers and help at the mansion!

While I'm committing vehicular manslaughter I'm actually on the phone with my sorority sister (twin) telling her "I know you just moved down south, but you need to come back, I'm getting married NOW!" (lol lol lol) Once I realize that I've killed a few people and the car just WILL NOT work with me in getting to my location, I proceed back up to the house to REAM out my husband to be. Although I'm sure I had a laundry list of crazy I was unleashing on him, all I can remember is my concern about 1) invitations and 2) bridesmaids. My future mother in law hands me a stack of envelopes and says "I look care of the invites, I just never sent them!" I take these and RUN off to the mail box, but on the way there I trip over the root (!) of one of the huge oak trees (!!) lining the drive way, spilling the contents of the envelopes all over. Remember all those invites you would find for clubs littered all over your car, or parking lots around campus? Little, colorful flyers? Thats what was inside my wedding invitations!(gasp) I storm back up to the house and demand that boyfriend tell me how many groomsmen he has so I can get bridesmaids and dresses for them. Boyfriend shrugs, saying "I'm not sure" and before I explode in horror and what I can only assume is rage, I wake up.

After thinking about the dream and recounting it to boyfriend, I thought about what wedding dress I would have worn (there isn't anything interesting on the news other than how much my mom rocks for insisting I get the 08 Corolla- its safe from all of the crazy now affecting the cars!) Here are some my favorites (for that wedding I don't know about)

Only a few of these dresses have enough sex appeal (yes I take that into consideration when thinking about my wedding dress) and sparkle. I need sparkle- I've done pageants way to long to have a plain dress that doesn't show off how good I look! (ha ha)

Boyfriend probably threw up in his cube reading this ; D

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm a crier

I just read this on EW and (cried cried cried) if you're not busy Saturday (I'll be recording all of it because I'm devoted) you should flip on the Discovery Chanel and watch as much Deadliest Catch as possible.

"The upcoming sixth season of Discovery’s Deadliest Catch will include Capt. Phil Harris’ final voyage on the Cornelia Marie, and, possibly, footage of his final days. Catch cameras had already filmed the Cornelia Marie during king crab season (mid-October to mid-December), and had been with the crew since mid-January for opilio (or snow crab) season when Harris, who died Feb. 9 at age 53, had a stroke while in port off-loading at St. Paul Island in Alaska. “We were there for the entire time. We were there in the hospital,” Catch exec producer Thom Beers tells EW. Harris hadn’t been expected to awaken from the medically-induced coma he was placed in following surgery, but remarkably, on Feb. 2, he did. “When he came out, he was trying to talk. He couldn’t, but he was motioning with his hand to my producer and camera man. We said we want to give you your space and get out, and he wrote on a piece of paper. It said, ‘No, we need a great finish to this story,’” Beers says, with a laugh. “He’s just come out of a coma, and he’s producing [the show].” The fact that Harris also summoned what his sons Josh and Jake proudly described as “his trademark captain’s bluntness” to tell the doctors and nurses “Don’t f— up” spoke volumes, Beers adds. “That was wit, that was sarcasm, that was sardonic, that was brilliant.” Whether any of the hospital footage will air will be a decision made later with Phil’s family.

This Saturday, Discovery will pay tribute to Capt. Phil with a 15-hour marathon of Deadliest Catch beginning at noon ET covering the best of season 4 and the second half of season 5. Beers expects to produce a new tribute special devoted to the skipper’s entire run on the Emmy-winning series to air during season 6, which premieres in April. In addition to a private funeral, a public memorial and other remembrance events are being planned for the second annual fan fest CatchCon, which Discovery says will be held later this spring in Seattle. Beers, who flew to Seattle last week to meet with Phil’s sons, says they want to spread his ashes out on the Bering Sea when the new crab season begins this fall."


I noticed yesterday that (while in the HUUUGE line at Wal Mart) my nails were NOT looking good from the self tanner I've been using since its usually no warner than 50 degrees every day with a stiff wind and I'm getting so white it burns.

I had the great thought to, not stop with the self tanner, get NEW (obviously crappier from the nature of the post) self tanner. The following pictures are from my experiment in applying the brown goo last night.

Understand that these are to serve as a PSA to all of you considering buying this particular brand of tanner.

This is NOT an opportunity to make fun of how large, long, and manish my hands look. They are not that big- I swear!

You have been warned...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


The Olympic people made a statement, in response to a KID dying on the luge before the start of the Winter Olympics, that was ice cold. I'm sure in an effort to not get their ass sued off, they released a statement- blaming the the violent death on the athlete, not the track. Although they reworked the track, AND had the racers starting from a totally different point- we're somehow supposed to believe that the racer is at fault for smacking into exposed steel?

What really makes me angry is that even if this was a fluke and it ended up being this kids fault- at the very least the Olympic committee could, I don't know, have spent an additional mil or two and hired a team of writers who have at least mastered the language enough to fire off a statement that was sympathetic to the untimely (and from the sound of it gruesome) death of a young athlete.

I was happy to hear that I wasn't the only person who was still wondering about this; David Letterman actually made a comment about it, and it reflected my own thoughts:

“A ‘mistake’? I just wonder if it had anything to do with those exposed steel girders… Don’t blame the kid, for god’s sake. He had said to his dad. ‘I think something’s a little haywire here; I’m a little bit frightened about the track'…For them to say that he made a mistake, that just stinks.

"Why is it that they then repaired the track and covered up the girders and started [the race] from the wormen’s starting point? You know what it is? It’s hypocrisy, ladies and gentlemen."

Mr Steamy

So I just got done watching last nights RuPaul's Drag Race and switched over to my favorite morning crew ala Fox and Friends when my ears are assaulted by what I can only describe as the noise of a dryer smashing onto an ironing board. Why can I only describe it as such a bizarre image? Because thats exactly what it was.

This happened to be one of those commercials that for some reason, is significantly louder than the show so, whether it happened to be a dryer smashing something or any annoying woman's voice- you're startled.

But after learning that 'I wouldn't iron my clothes with a dryer and I wouldn't dry my clothes with an iron.' I finally got to see what all the screaming/ smashing was about!

Looky looky! It's Mister (not Mr.) Steamy!

ALL I have to do is fill it with water, shove it in the dryer and it will take all of the wrinkles out of my clothes! I've been so STOOPID. I thought by dropping my dryer repeatedly on all of my favorite outfits I was de-wrinkeling them- but I stand corrected!

In news other than me mocking an infomercial- the manager at the apartment complex emailed me! And then 'someone'- maybe maintenance, I dont know because I played dead when they knocked on the door come by. I haven't read the email because I'm a baby. I'm considering deleting it! What I haven't read can't hurt me...

Monday, February 15, 2010

An unrelated post

As I have to do something funny (I need to make light of the fact I cant hear my Tyra episode on pot smoking soccer moms because one of the more thuggish neighbors is blasting some thump thump music too loud) here is a set of pictures of Miss Pepper being challenged by her new stuffed dragon for the new chewy bone.

*I am anti drug. I am further anti drug when people are parents. I run into problems because my argument for the longest time has been- well if life is so hard go see a doctor and get something legal. States legalizing this (mary jane) makes my argument very difficult to maintain. Although I know the white collar crime is to abuse prescription pills, I'm pushing for a world full of women (and MEN) where we buck up and put down the peace pipe. Just had to say that.

Update 1 (or am I at 2?)

Originally I created this Blog (for an outlet for my frustration because my day to day involves walking the dog, talking to the dog, sitting on my rump, going to the gym, and mocking Tyra) to document life after college in a recession for someone who, by all accounts, is a pretty typical (read: average) chick. I've been weighing the pro's and con's of full disclosure and have decided that, although I told the boyfriend otherwise (he's been instructed to lie and say I got wait listed at NYU) I'm going to talk about where I've applied, and where its getting me.

The official list of schools applied to consists of:
Barry Univ.
Florida Coastal
Thomas M Cooley (Michigan State)

I have officially been rejected from Barry and as Stetson has informed me that they have begun the admission process for me, I, like the pessimist I am, can assume I'm that much closer to rejection numero dos. I'm a lot better with it today that I have been for the last two days.(so, high five)

I am new to 'everything happens for a reason' mind set, and I'm trying to use it when applying to law school. I'm not done considering grad school and getting my MPA, and eventually (aka super soon) I'm going to go back and keep looking for a job (bet you didn't know the Post Office isn't hiring- I do). I've got this friend who thinks I should use my marginal pageant success and parlay it into coaching/ directing. I love the idea because I love pageants and I can only keep the Lbs off for so long (lol). Having worked as an event planner, I have total faith that I could run a pageant, but I like when people move up and have the chance to accomplish big things, so I think I would want to be affiliated with a larger system- but obviously there aren't a ton of openings in the big systems for directors. Side thought? There are SO many pageants out there. What would I call mine? Miss Florida Princess American Earth US?

As the man toy of mine likes to say: "I just graduated" and although I argue that mid December is no longer 'just' I'm going to run with that for a while. I'm doing my best to be more positive, and although I'm kicking myself for sitting in bed and not enjoying the sun and minimal wind (trying to heal from this MUNG that's been hanging around my lungs for two weeks) I'm typing this with a smile because I could get accepted to Stetson (instead of the usual 'no way in hell')

So, I'm thinking positive, and hey, if I don't get evicted (see prior post)or kicked hard by Karma maybe you'll see me blogging about the pain of paying tuition.

*Update 2-19-2010*

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Occasionally, I do something that isn't totally thought out. Occasionally.

Anyway, I didn't have a great morning by any means today and constructed an email, that although accurate (pretty much), is um... colorful in its description of events and situations. Once this situation has blown over (and we're not, you know, evicted) I'll post the email as a lesson learned type thing.

It's about my apartment complex and some toilet problems, along with the laundry list of other complaints I've had in the short amount of time I've lived here. My primary concern is no one decides to come sniffing around my apartment and looking for things, anything at all, that would lead to a vengeful "lets get the witch kicked out" mission. So anyway, one email was forwarded without consent and blah blah blah and through a turn of events, I've adopted this: "THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS TRANSMISSION IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION INTENDED FOR THE USE OF THE INDIVIDUAL OR ENTITY NAMED ABOVE. IF THE READER OF THIS MESSAGE IS NOT THE INTENDED RECIPIENT, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED THAT ANY REVIEW, DISSEMINATION, DISTRIBUTION OR COPYING OF THIS COMMUNICATION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND SUBJECT TO FEDERAL INVESTIGATION." as the new signature for all of my emails and developed quite a knack for apologizing. Heres where I acknowledge the boo boo of sending a harsh email, but I have to stop there.

The 'service' here has been worse than bad. Although I rent and have to depend on these people for my home, you can only push tenants around so much in terms of appliances, quality of a unit, managerial organization, and promises not fulfilled. Although I probably sent the email to the wrong person, (OH had I the ability, there is a lot I want to say about this mans professionalism) as a renter am I not entitled to voice my complaints, even if those who are being complained about don't like what their reading? This is where I WISH I was an attorney and had a few good classes on contracts under my belt; I HATE not knowing my rights, and even though I signed a lease- what did I really sign? Did I say I wouldn't say anything bad about the complex, its reality holder or its employees? Did I agree to being evicted if I altered anything in the apartment? Does it matter if a leasing agent SAYS 'you can paint, just go over it with white before you move out' if no one records it or puts in writing? Can the apartment manager send someone in here under the false claim of a maintenance request on my end (it's happened to me in the past) and use it to look around and 'find' a reason to evict me? Is it that easy to evict? Is there any incentive for the complex to go through with evicting? (I'm going with a big YES: if they 'gave' us the deal of living here for 800.00$/ month and they boot us out, they could charge a new tenant a considerably larger sum of money) Am I being paranoid?

Although I think I am within my rights to complain about this place, the only thing I seem to be getting out of this is a headache and some improved creative writing skills. Not to say I lied, this place is that bad, but I was mean. For that I am sorry. I went as far as requesting the managers email address from Mr. AssHat and telling her myself that I ranted a bit too far. Tomorrow when everyone's back in the office, I'll see if anything comes of this.

Moral of the story? Think before you send and know your rights!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What Really Grinds My Gears

You know what really grinds my gears? Women. Specifically? Women who set us back 250 years.

I'm watching Tyra (Yes- I know....) and its all about birth marks and 'loving yourself'. I'm a fan of loving oneself and am glad that whether its Tyra or Oprah, women, especially the young ones should always be encouraged to embrace what makes them who they are.

I have a birth mark- lovingly (and technically) called a Port Wine Stain.

Ta Da

I have always had a love hate relationship with this thing. I would say 3 times out of 10 I think about it when getting ready to go out and put make up on but after that- its OTHER people who have a problem with it. From every stupid boy and nasty girl growing up who discovered the word herpes, to someone actually being nice at a pageant who thought it was lipstick and tried to rub it off, other people just seem to notice this thing.

But back to the point, this chick on Tyra has the same thing, same side, albeit a little darker, and was just bat shit crazy about it. She never took her make up off: showered with make up, slept with make up, wouldn't kiss her husband (who has never EVER seen the mark) too hard in case her make up smeared. I get sometimes being self conscious about it. I get being teased (and I mean who has NEVER been teased? seriously who?) and how that has a bit of a lasting effect but really lady? All that? And then to go on Tyra about it and have this big 'reveal' to your freaked out husband? Now if she was smart it was all an act and she played along thinking that Tyra would have someone take it off- for free (which is exactly what happened, lucky...) but I really REALLY don't think she was playing. I think this women was THAT bent out of shape. I'd like to point out to her that people get our little 'stains' all over their body. Their ENTIRE body- just huge purple marks. Try going through high school with that hun.

You know what really grinds my gears? People don't appreciate what beauty they have.

In honor of my face- I'm going make up free to dinner.
roooooock it


I've been drooling over swim wear for the (hopefully upcoming) fab Florida spring/summer time. I've been thinking hard about the benefits of halter versus triangle top and the costs of a tanga bottom versus a tie bottom (tan lines ) and through all of this thinking I've been looking at pictures to help me make an educated purchase.

Then I ran across this:

This poor girl bought a defective bikini! Unless she finds herself at a very liberal European beach this is a practically useless swimsuit. It costs 68$ and comes with a removable little top in case you don't feel like getting charged with indecent exposure. I love sexy stuff- don't get me wrong, but part of what I find sexy is the allure of sheer, or things that actually leave something to the imagination; (and in a bikini thats difficult) the full monty isn't sexy to me- its a bit whorish. My next and probably biggest problem with this thing is the tan line. You're going to have burnt ta ta's and a huge white line running from your chest down to your naughty bits. Nothing says SEXY like a reverse skunk stripe.

Due to the costs and uselessness of this particular item I officially deem it SILLY. If you are caught wearing it- you have brought my mockery and assumption that you are an escort on to yourself.

Ladies, if you are hell bent on a swimsuit that leaves nothing to the imagination and gives you absolutely disgusting tan lines, may I recommend this:

Happy hunting!
Also? I like this one! So go find another! (I saw it first!)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Still Waters

I've always been a big TV watcher. Some shows have captivated, fascinated, even disgusted me, but no show made me feel like I "knew these people" like Deadliest Catch. My 3 favorite boats and captains are Sig Hansen on the Northwestern, the Hilstrand brothers on the Time Bandit, and Captain Phil of the Cornelia Marie.

Phil was always passionate about his craft in a way that I respected. I enjoyed his brand of humor the most, and loved how much he loved his family. I watched as Phil first got sick, and how much it destroyed him not to sail out when the doctors finally said no more. But he rallied, and until his stroke all of us in tv land never thought we wouldn't get to see Phil prank other captains, throw obscenities at his sons, or celebrate with the crew when they had a good run.

Although I have never met this man, I cried this morning reading he died. Tears because his death was so unexpected. Because from this little show, I know how utterly devastated his sons will be. Because after all those rainy days watching marathon after marathon, celebrating big catches and mourning sailors lost at sea with him, I feel like I lost an old, distant friend.

I imagine the rough, icy waters where he fought so many battles are still today.

Read about Captain Phil here

Take care captain.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Killing me Wetly

Anyone out there in wonderland know what SAD is?

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Anyway- due to an over abundance of WET and without the justification of a Hurricane I'm more pale and more cranky than usual.

To help ease the pain, I've decided I feel better being able to take my pale aggression out on someone. Or something...

This hairy bastard:

is responsible for my bad mood. I hope the people of Florida join me in hunting ole punxsutawney phil down and 'making sure' he really wants us in for 6 more weeks of this.

SO. As I venture out into this:

Wish me luck!

Monday, February 1, 2010


As I have made it clear that I'm not what you would call a Lady Gaga fan- I have to be the first to admit that home girl has redeemed herself.

Next to Sinatra there is no one I like better than Elton John. No One.

So to see this? She gained a few points with me.

Although she promptly lost them once I saw this:

And although Lady Gaga and I are back to square one in terms of how much she annoys me, I will forever be envious of her experience with Sir Elton.

My Dream Colombian

So about 2 minutes ago I was cruising my favorite national pageant message board, when at the very top of the page I saw an ad offering to help me find my "Dream Colombian".

I couldn't help myself, I clicked in.

The only thing that is less of a 'legitimate dating site' would be something for Russian mail order brides.

My dream Colombian isn't on that site, he's in LA wearing a blue speedo and working as a cabana boy for a wealthy housewife trying to get his music career going. Ooooh and he's for some reason always covered in oil and loves to help you apply your sunscreen but in a totally not creepy way.