Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Well, I intended to post about a number of different things much sooner than this but as it turns out, life, and all of its negative aspects sometimes JUMP in the way. And not small, poke their ugly head up jump, but full on, spit in your face and kick you in the crotch ninja style jump.

Of all of the things that kicked me this past weekend, one stands out.

See, being a sorority girl, regardless of the bad times, the good ones, the countless good ones trump anything else and I wear my letters with pride. I love my sisters, the silly ones, bossy ones, loud ones; at the end of the day, those crazy bitches are my crazy bitches and I know I can limp back to my house and those girls will pick me up.

Not all of them though, feel the same way. One of them this weekend told me shes ashamed to call me her sister. I'll let all of you who call yourself Greeks take that in for a moment.

Yeah you know, its been a rough week, and of course, like when one is drinking, one should never post angry. However, the bigger person in me has left for the afternoon, and I'm not so much mad as I am excited to see what Karma brings her way.

Life after college is supposed to be difficult: no one said grownup was synonymous easy, but seriously? Ouch. Its ok though, sticks and stones may break my bones, but at least I've got a personality. A big, in your face, loud, opinionated one, at that. 
And I L O V E it.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Garden State

Part of day, between getting rejected from various schools and looking for random jobs on the internet, is devoted to my little garden. I know you have probably waited all day to read about someone's plants, so here is my gift to you! (in detail) ((with pictures))

-The Tomato's and the cucumber are doing great- something I did not expect!
-One of my strawberry's looks really dead while the other is making me a handful of little strawberry's!!
-I have only killed 1 sunflower, and thats because I broke his stem, not because I killed it with my mystical abilities to end the life of every plant within 20 yards of me.
-The Rose bush either is getting too much water or not enough and won't bloom.
- The orchid appears to be dying. This can be tricky though. I am pretty positive I've seen it pull this 'yellow leaf' business a few times and bounce back. We'll see...
-The mint and basil get a little cranky when they don't get enough water (as would I) but they do seem to be kicking!
-The cactus just looks kinda sad. Nothing new.

Here we have two types of tomato's and a cucumber plant crammed together. Very happily I might add.

The healthy strawberry plant (indicated by a thumbs up no less) and its baby fruit!

The dying strawberry plant. And if you couldn't tell from the yellow leaves, I have provided you again with a thumb indicator.

One of my sunflower pots. Notice how happy and big they're getting. I may have to stick with these instead of roses...

Here is the Orchid leaf in question. If you look closely, the leaf to the left of the yellow leaf has bite makes in it. (fun fact) If you look further left you will see some of the droopy leaves of the rose bush. If you look to the right you will see the sad cactus.

Here are my Mint and Basil. They are quite tasty.

Finally, a picture of my beautiful Pepper stopping to smell the roses.

Friday, April 9, 2010


I love the tv show 'Bones'. Much like The Office, the joy of this show is shouting at the tv for the 'WILL' they part of Bones and Booth's 'will they/ won't they' relationship to happen.

If you pay any attention to the show- you are aware that Bones is brilliant, Booth is street smart with a heart of gold. Through the show we have watched Booth grow. Remember- Booth is the 'less intelligent' of the two. Yet after 5 years, the writers of this show honestly expect the viewers, many of whom are die hard dedicated fans, (much like X Files fans) to HONESTLY believe that Bones, as smart as she is, cannot grow- at ALL- like her partner has.

In case there are people out there that do read this and watch the show I'm not going to go on ranting about last night episode. Well, I'm not going to give anything away- I'm going to rant...

I look forward to a few things in my life. These days when my biggest accomplishment is getting into the community college across the street from me, I need to have something I love to look forward to. When I plant myself down on the couch on a Thursday night with GREAT anticipation for my FAVORITE show's 100th episode only to be kicked in the crotch by what I saw, I can only ask WHY???

Why would you do this to the viewers? To those of us who own every season on dvd, have watched said dvd's at least 5 times all the way through, know absolutely useless (however fun) facts about the show and personal lives of the cast. Why? Why would you construct a mile stone episode to be so BAD? Are you happy with yourself? Do you feel proud to go home and tell you family about what you did?

If YOU happened to enjoy last nights train wreck of an episode, well I don't want to go as far to say you don't deserve Bones, but I will say shame on your mother for dropping you on your head so many times.

Yes, last nights episode WAS that bad. And no. I'm not sorry for making a post dedicated to me being pissed about a TV show. People need to know! YOU, America, you need to know whats happening! You can thank me later when the Bones writers get a hold of this SCATHING review and get their ACT together before they go and pull more crap like this for the season finally.

Bones writers, you're on notice...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

What...a fabulous day.

Today, I wasn't going to take that typing test. A combination of lazy and fear of full-sized keyboards had me pretty content to sit in front of the tv, watch Office episodes I know by heart, and update my blog background.

Of course my mother decided to read my blog (I do appreciate the dedication don't get me wrong) call me and ask about the typing test. I felt guilty and after my very weird morning that concluded with me saying "The lady at CVS is totally judging me." I figured it woulnd't kill me to get acquainted with downtown O-town and just take the stupid test- if only for reference when applying to other futile positions.

I needed a score of 55 WPM. My raw score was 63 (!!!) and after adjusting for errors ( I don't like that word..) my score ended up 59. I officially meet all of the qualifications for the position and the woman in HR said to "be patient"- so I'm waiting.

My next bit of good news- I have been 'accepted' to community college! And thank god; if I got rejected from community college I would have to go play 4 square in rush hour traffic on Kirkman. Phew! Hopefully someone, somewhere out there offers me a respectable position for a respectable amount of pay (aka salary or more than 10/ hour) before I have to enroll.

Ans since things come in 3's, I was going to toast some slices of oat bran pita to dunk into my humus (it tasted better in my head) when the oven refused to open. If you haven't been paying attention to my saga with the apartment complex and the CRAP they TRY to pass off as livable amenities, my oven sucks as much as my neighbors. (Not the loud music ones, the pot smokers who refuse to discipline their dogs or bring the poor bastards in off the porch that takes full afternoon sun- thus explaining why they bark all afternoon. Why they bark through the night is a mystery. Probably because their owners suck as much as my oven...)

Anyway, SOMETHING prevents the oven from coming off this latch thing and today it finally wouldn't budge no matter how hard I yanked on it. I finally did beat on it enough to get it opened and finally- I stopped and really looked at it. Then I saw it, I figured out how to fix it! The oval that the latch slides into needs to be widened because the oven door is SIGNIFICANTLY bent (not our fault, this hasn't been working since day 1. Seriously.) and since I cant move the oven door, I needed to widen the hole! I banged on it with a screw driver for 20 minutes and now it hardly sticks! If I didn't have girl arms it would be 100% fixed- good thing boyfriend doesn't have girl arms!

OH and the strawberry plant is making strawberries! WIN

That was Depressing

So I'm just awake tonight and sitting online digging through jobs. The more positions I come across and research, the more I get an idea of what I DON'T want to do. For example, I don't want to work at a bank, in any capacity. I looked up some things that could do with writing and of course there isn't a lot. By 'a lot', I mean there were only 2 or 3 things I understood/ that looked like legitimate jobs. I don't know if you've spent very much time cruising job search websites but there are a lot of scams...

I am applying for 2 jobs within the City of Orlando. Either would be pretty cool. One is event planning/ marketing and the other is a secretarial position. I know that doesn't sound like a lot to aspire to, but when I really want to write and or sue people, having a job doing something I KNOW makes up for the lack of glamor. I enjoy filing, transferring calls, putting together meeting packets, ect. Tomorrow I think I'm going to haul myself down town and take their typing test. I need 55 wpm and I'm averaging 56. But I'm of course having some performance anxiety because I KNOW I'll be typing on a standard sized desk top computer keyboard, and I haven't touched one of those in years (I'm a laptop kinda girl).

Although I love the liberty of being able to do whatever I want by staying at home, I do have a routine and think I keep order here. Whats more though is that I really like writing. The little stuff I do for me, the stupid stories I recount here, I feel really clear when I write. I've got the ability to bold things, make them all italic, stick things in (here) and use commas like they're going out of style.

The more afternoons I spend at the pool, the more I realize I am NOT in a position to be unemployed. But, I just dig and dig and dig through these piles of 'jobs' and feel miserable. Out of 250, there are maybe 3.5 that interest me. I've worked DOZENS of jobs in my 22 years. I quit most of them. Being bored to tears at times aside, I have never, EVER, been a person to do something I don't like. Thats why I've dropped classes, dated around (not like that...), gone through different styles, groups of friends, tastes in music. I honestly DO have a solid understanding of things that make me crazy and I'm desperate to find a way to pair things I love with earning a respectable amount of money.

So far tonight has left me really disappointed.
OH not to mention I have NEVER heard from the COMMUNITY COLLEGE I applied at to study paralegal stuffs. I'm going to march my little self over there tomorrow and find out what the dealy-o is. Being REJECTED from COMMUNITY COLLEGE is one of those things I am NOT ok with.

Monday, April 5, 2010

That Burning Sensation

So I write this post with close to the level of excitement someone feels when they go to the doctor for something that seems really serious and scary, and it turns out to be an M&M stuck to their ass or something equally ridiculous.

See, today, I got the use of my ring and pinky fingers back after what felt like a combination of acid and flesh eating virus. I was QUITE positive this wasn't going to stop, and if it DID stop, I wouldn't have any flesh on my fingers left. That I have flesh is super exciting, I promise you.

I want to work this story backward because I just can't hold it any longer- My Easter weekend ended with me peeing on my hands.

Let me explain.

2 Thanksgivings ago, I realized boyfriend and I wouldn't be a 'competitive' couple unless we started contributing dishes to the family gatherings. Although it took me roughly 2 years to figure it out, I have started cooking. 4 months of edible meals turned into my insisting on making a dish for Easter. I would do the hard work, boyfriend would assist- I was going to COOK and it was going to be WONDERFUL and I WOULD look like a real adult (thank-you-very-much).

My idea was actually my mothers suggestion of trying out some of these reduced fat Jalapeno Poppers. It required 12 halved and de-seeded peppers among other harmless ingredients. For whatever reason, I just HAD to do the peppers. I cut them BEAUTIFULLY and everything was going according to plan. The oven was currently in use so I had to put the operation on hold. In this 20-30 minutes of waiting for the oven to free up, I noticed several fingers were starting to tingle. 5 more minutes and the tingle turned into burning. 2 more minutes and the sensation was similar to putting the tips of your fingers on a RED hot burner, and then keeping them there. For a long. Long. Time.

I washed my hands. Then I washed them again. Then I used anti bacterial hand sanitizer. Then I washed them again. It kept burning.

I then started going to the freezer and getting ice to hold through a paper towel. Then I stopped with the paper towel and held on to the ice.

By the 3rd ice cube I started to freak out because it hurt. It hurt horribly. It was close to the most painful sensation I've had the pleasure of experiencing, but its Easter, its weird and I'm doing everything in my power to address the situation but not look like a baby. When the water didn't help any more, I finally looked it up online and saw suggestions like milk or rubbing alcohol.

The following is literally everything I did to make the burning stop.

1) Milk in small plastic bowl, about a minute 30 of relief.
2) Aloe Plant. It just made things burn more and felt really gross.
3) Alcohol poured on the fingers, then on a paper towel and held there; about 2 minutes of help.
4) Milk again
5) Some old wipes used on bug bites/ stings and minor burns. No Help.
6) Something called AB cream rubbed on the fingers. No help. In fact, it made things so bad I finally broke and started crying.
7) Hand in pool. 2 minutes of help.
8) Back online- see idea for baking soda, baking soda and milk, vinegar, basically any random combination of kitchen items was suggested to try. I tried baking soda and milk. About 1 minute and 15 seconds of help.
9) Boyfriend suggests trying gasoline. I try it. It felt wonderful and cold! But only for 45 seconds. We tried it twice. It did not work. Then someone mentioned I was absorbing all of the gassy goodness into my liver. We stopped...
10) Washed my hands again.
11) Back online. Honey is suggested. I try it. Its in use and all over my hands when the first batch of family members arrive.
12) Honey is not working. Someone (a MAN obviously) suggests I pee on my hands. The remedy apparently has '5 stars'. The house guests all seem to think this is really funny. I feel like my skin is melting off my fingers. The humor is a little lost on me. At 2 o clock or so I decided I was full enough of beer to really soak my fingers (yeah, take that all in) and I go for it.

It worked. And I got to spend a better part of the afternoon ducking friendly people who wanted a hug and having to explain that I'm not an ass, I'm just slightly soaked in pee. It was bitter sweet.

If you are still unable to understand why I peed on myself- touching lots Jalapeno seeds for a prolonged period of time lets the evil and obviously cursed oils seep into your skin. This in effect causes a chemical burn that burns from the inside out. It didn't totally stop hurting until I fell asleep last night.

After the pee treatment I couldn't be out in the sun or have the wind touch my fingers. The water condensation from my cups would make the burning start again. Typing this now I SWEAR I can feel a little burning coming back to my thumbs.

My advice? The next time you get that burning sensation, just pee on it. 2 hours of smearing on everything in the kitchen will only make you smell funny and feel sticky.

How was YOUR Easter?