Sunday, November 28, 2010

I Just Earned my Shame Rattle

Favorite author and sister separated at different births Jenn Lancaster (Jennsylvania) coined the term 'Shame Rattle' in her books and no word has ever come to mind as quickly and glaringly as 'Shame Rattle' (if you watch Survivor or have seen or thought you saw an episode, when someone does something dick or generally thought of as bad you hear this rattle noise. In case you didn't know what that meant- which you should have but whatever) did tonight. I caught my self being mad that my football team was losing and didn't have the courage to stick with the game. Dirty Jobs wasn't doing it ('Locomotive Builder' doesn't exactly grab my attention) so upon further channel surfing I came across Bridezillas. Yeah. I tuned in. But commercials on We are repetitive to a point where you are REQUIRED to change the channel lest you find yourself running out to a Walgreens to find a Snuggie or Perfect Brownie Pan(!) so I came across the perfect example of all that is wrong with society- 16 & Pregnant. 

So lets recap: With dozens of friends in town, a working car, enough money in the bank to do some remotely interesting activity under 30 dollars, at least 20 books I haven't yet read, a floor that could (needs to) be cleaned, laundry to be folded, hell,  100 + dvd's to organize- I sat on my couch, ignored the pageant message boards about this weekends incoming state winners (I'm not bitter that its not me going to USA, but I'm not not bitter either...) and flipped between Bridezillas- a show about spoiled, irrational women that like to abuse their friends, parents' pocket books, and still manage to keep their significant others, and 16 & Pregnant- a show about spoiled, irrational, ignorant young women who refused to pick up a friggin condom from, well, where CAN'T you find a damn condom? for hours.

This is where I assumed/ hoped blood would come spurting from my eyes or I'd be struck with convulsions until I changed the channel but alas, its almost time for The Simpsons and still watching this dribble.

Shouldn't I be depressed?
Concerned?
Questioning the validity of my college degree?
Getting up to go running since I'm clearly doing nothing for my mind so why not attempt to do something for my body?


Nope. 


I'm still here. Wondering how/ why Katrina is such a moron; you want mommy to buy you a new (second) wedding dress because you ate your way out of the first one. Mommy asks "please stop stuffing your face like a neglected cow let loose in a grassy field" and she will get you one. What do you do then, Katrina? Eat! Eat like theres no free second wedding dress in your future!
I can't decide who I'm more frustrated at- this heifer or my stupid ass for sitting here, continuing to watch.


Then there's 16 & Pregnant. Oh 16 & Pregnant. If I ever needed proof that my favorite saying isn't just funny- its 100% accurate (Just because you can own a TV doesn't make you fit to produce and raise a child) you give it to me (and I thank you). A particular exchange between a 16 year old and her baby daddy really gave new meaning to the word "DUH"


16 year old to baby daddy who goes to esteemed community college out of town and works a day job: "I wish you were around more. Raising this baby alone is really, like, hard. I do everything..."


Baby daddy to new teenage mother: "Yeah. But I mean, I do everything else. I'm earning the bucks."


16 year old: " Ok but doing this alone, I don't have time for my online school. I don't ever get sleep. I just wish you would be around to help!"


Baby Daddy: "I think you're making this out to be harder than it really is..."


16 year old: "It is hard! How would you know if it isn't?!"


Baby Daddy: "....ok I wouldn't."


Excellent.


Quick- back to Bridezillas- male stripper! (feel free to ask me about that one trip to Miami- some bastards took pictures) I loathe naked dancing boys. I'll take my chances with the teenagers.


So I guess, if I was going to pull a Jerry Springer and assign some meaning to this post, I think that it would be; a large social circle may take a bit of upkeep, but if prevents nights of questioning ones college degree due to ones sad, sad choices in reality tv, it is totally worth it.


Shame Rattle.

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