Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blogging from the Beach (what 'Really Grinds my Gears' edition)

So as I'm about to start writing the skies grow dark and vengeful looking and the wind starts whipping around more than usual. Although it makes it much easier to see the laptop (thank you internet) the thought of getting hit by lightening seems so much more real at the moment. Ok so anyway, about 25 minutes prior to this I slathered on a good coating of this:

It might be backward but what you want to take away from this is that the bottle says 'DRY OIL'. I'm not just NOT DRY, I'm so oily my residue would stick to the bottom of the Caribbean like the Deep Water Horizon wishes it did to the Gulf. I wish I was joking when I said there are between 15 and 20 gnats stuck all over me.

Just a quick recap: its dark, windy, and I could lube a motor.

And people wonder why I've got this scowl.

So as I did with the self tanner last summer, let this serve as a PSA to those seeking a DRY tanning oil: although its miserable out and I can't tell you whether or not it worked and tanned me while keeping me burn free, I CAN tell you that the very last thing is does it keep you DRY.

Now that I'm activly working to make the stock for Hawaiian Tropic drop I'll quickly move on to Apple.

And open letter to Steve Jobs:
Dear Mr. Jobs:

Can I call you Steve? I feel like we're old friends since I've been forcing my parents to buy buying Apple products since roughly conception. Although I was stuck on a more affordable cell phone network when your iPhone was released, that didn't stop me from stocking up on iPods or MacBooks. Nay a complaint from me back 'when' I had to beg and plead to find magic to allow microsoft software to work on your computers. My god Steve I might not remember my first trip to Sea World but dammit I remember Oregon Trail on your Rainbow Bright excuses for desktop computers in the early 90's. 

My loyalty, Steve, is what brings me to this letter. I have relocated to a British commonwealth in the Caribbean, a place that I would assume would get, at the very least, the same respect as the UK. Sure, products aren't released there first, but eventually we get them. But alas, I sit here on my tiny rock, surrounded by Brits, surrounded by iPhones imported from the UK.
Why Steve? Why won't you sell them in the ONE Apple store on the ENTIRE island? The ONE store that carried EVERYTHING ELSE Apple (literally)? Why, when they are available to everyone, even in places without proper networks, do you NOT sell them here?

Steve, as I write this on my MacBook and wait on the delivery of my white iPad 2, its additional power adapter, and 2 (TWO) fancy covers for it,  why can't you give me the benefit of not having to go through what seems like a Nigerian scam to find a jail broken and unlocked iphone? WHY Steve, cant you just provide my lovely island nation, one with the cell phone capacity and identical network to AT&T, with them?

Myself, along with every person on Grand Cayman who is ready to have a ceremonial burning of our BlackBerries, begs you to consider.

Kind Regards,

And thats what really Grinds My Gears.

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